Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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