you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
