Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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