I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
