even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
