STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I came so hard my ears popped.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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