so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
