Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
