What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He has the fingertips of a God
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
