i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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