i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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