I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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