Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
