There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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