i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have feelings that need drinking.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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