If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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