you would pick up someone in the library
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
