Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
