I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
