Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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