i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
