Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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