why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
