Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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