ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
