He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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