Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
