in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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