Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
