My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
