i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
