He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
