i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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