That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
