So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
