just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
