White coat. Heels.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They took my balls.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
