So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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