You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
