those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
