you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
