its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
