just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
