if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
