I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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