Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
