Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
