had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
