I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
