Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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