Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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