This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
