you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
