i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she looked like the before picture.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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