You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
