I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
