two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
